Pretending doesn't make the fear go away

“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now, we are okay.” – Thich Nhat Hang

At some point during transformational change, leaders inevitably experience that moment of fear: Can we do this? Can I do this? Is this even possible?

Some might choose to put on a brave face and pretend everything is fine. However, this 'fake it 'til you make it' approach can actually be detrimental to effective change leadership.

Making it safe to feel fear

Leaders play a crucial role in setting an example for others during change. When leaders acknowledge their fear and uncertainty, they influence their team to do the same, thereby empowering them. This is a key behavior of leadership during transformational change because it cultivates psychological safety.

A culture of psychological safety is crucial to successful change because it accelerates problem-solving and collaboration. Only when issues and risks are out in the open can they be addressed, and only when team members work together can new ways of working take hold.

All of this starts with a leader showing an example of how to feel fear and talk about it. That behavior shows others that it's perfectly acceptable to voice their concerns: "I'm nervous about this. I'm not sure I can do it. Can you help me?"

Leaders hold the power and the responsibility for setting a tone of openness that builds trust within teams by becoming more comfortable talking about fear in all its forms.

Notice and name it to tame it

More than any other emotion, fear prevents us from succeeding in change. Fear is a natural reaction to uncertainty, yet many organizations and leaders don't tolerate fear. When people think it's not OK to share or show emotions, they hide what they think and feel, which turns into problems and resistance.  

The easiest way to combat fear and turn an instinctive reaction into a conscious response is to notice it and name it.

Putting words to an emotion reduces its power. If given the chance, emotions run their course in just 90 seconds, according to neuroscientist Jill Boldt Taylor. If we attempt to avoid, deny or ignore the emotion, that's when our minds hit the "replay" button by repeating a story we have about what's happening. That's when fear persists.

When it comes to change, those frequently repeated stories become behavior patterns that perpetuate fear. Some of the most common include:

• I hate change. I like how it is now. I'm going to keep doing things the way I always have.
• I'm no good at change. Why bother trying?
• They're out to get me. I don't deserve this. I'm going to make this hard for them.
• They better make this easy for me. I'll wait for them to tell me what to do.

While these stories are happening in our minds, we don't always express the underlying emotion: fear. We avoid sharing it because don't want to be labeled as a "change resistor" or not a team player. So rather than speak up about what we're feeling, we wear a mask. The "pretend-it's-fine" mask that keeps others at arm's length. We end up feeling disconnected from leaders and colleagues, and ourselves.

More important than fear

Like all emotions, unexpressed fear has more power to influence what we do. In change, it can keep us holding onto the past or anxiously avoiding the future. Leaders who learn the key behavior of vulnerably expressing fear by noticing its presence and naming it take back that power. In the process, they influence others to do the same.

This is what courageous change leadership looks like: accepting that fear is part of being human, but choosing to act anyway because something else is more important--people.