Squashing the Fear Gremlins

If how we feel influences what we do, fear at work has the power to make us:

🗯 Say hurtful things directly or indirectly to others that prohibits problem-solving and collaboration

❌ Avoid difficult people or situations

❓Doubt and question our skills and competence

😅 Wear a mask of people-pleasing that prevents others from understanding us (+ adds more than it should to our TO DO list). 

These are the 4Fs at work: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn.

These responses to fear are human. They're wired into us to protect us from potential danger. 

The thing is, in the modern world--including at work--we've learned to ignore them. 

That happens for various reasons:

➡️ It's uncomfortable to feel fear, so we avoid it. 

➡️ It is sometimes tricky to spot as it hides behind other more "acceptable" emotions such as anger or contempt. 

➡️ We don't know what to DO about it, and besides, we have so many other things to DO anyway.

The more deeply I've explored and learned to live with my fear, the more convinced I am that it is the #1 emotion preventing work from being joyful, collaborative, and rewarding. 

So what could each of us be doing to help ourselves feel more of that at work?

✅ Learn to notice fear responses (the 4Fs) in ourselves and others (particularly people who lead teams).

✅ Name the emotion: Fear. There are various words for fear: Apprehension, worry, panic, anxiety, uncertainty, dread, scared. Naming it helps us take back our power.

✅ Nudge it. This is a gentle way of asking, "Is this the choice I want to make in this moment?" 

I call this the 3N Influencing Technique. 

It helps shift an unconscious, instinctive reaction into a more considered response. It can be used with all kinds of "negative" emotions, but because of the inherent wiring for our bodies to react quickly in threatening situations, it's particularly useful for choosing courage over fear (i.e. taking action despite fear's presence).

The better we get at noticing fear and learning to sit with it, the more capable we are of letting it run its course quickly. After all, it takes just 90 seconds for an emotion to subside.

It also helps us squash the fear gremlins, which have a way of multiplying at work. 

The 3N Technique is featured in my forthcoming book, Inspired by Fear: Becoming a Courageous Change Leader. 

➡️ Which of the 4Fs do you notice in yourself most often? My default is freeze. It looks like procrastinating, distracting myself with other things/tasks and sometimes quite literally getting stuck sitting on the couch daydreaming. 

I look calm in these moments, but inside I'm terrified. By noticing and naming it, fear doesn't control me anymore. 🦋